Here's a selection of gems from the late Frank Carson, as supplied by Eweshggr and read out at the on, on:
- A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
- I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking around with a coffin. Three hours later they were still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!
- My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop. They were 70 pounds! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
- I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance - so I pushed her over.
- Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
- My neighbour knocked on our door at 2.30 this morning. Can you believe that? 2.30 am! Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes.
- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor - she only had one pound in her purse.
- A wife says to her husband "You're always pushing me round and talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair."
- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
- The wife has been missing for a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been back to the charity shop to get her clothes back.
And here's my personal favourite:
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Today's the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked."Shockjock and Miss Demeanour were going to be staging the Samford Hash Table Tennis Tournament this coming Sunday. Unfortunately this event has had to be postponed, so we'll be meeting at Chez Shockjock et al instead. Good news for those who like hills!
And finally - here's a shot which Superhacker had "lost" off her phone, but which she was able to recover by hacking into the old News of the World website. Happy birthday again, Miss Demeanour!
When: Sunday 3rd June, 4 pm
Where: Miss Demeanour and Shockjock's Bunya hideaway. (Email us if you need directions to this run.)
Hares: Miss Demeanour and Shockjock
On, on!
