Edited excerpts from the annals - dating from the first part of 2008
From February 2008...
A telling tale
Moan, moan!
A couple go to a counsellor about their flagging sex life.
In the course of the conversation, the husband reveals that he found sex with his former partner more enjoyable.
"Why?" asks the wife. "What did she do that I don't do?"
"Well," he says, "There was one thing. She used to moan while we were having sex, and you never make a sound."
"She use to moan?" says the wife. "And you liked that?"
"Yes. It was exciting...."
That night they try out some of the things the counsellor suggested.
As things start to fire up the wife asks "Shall I start moaning now?"
"Yes, yes. Moan, moan!" he says.
She takes a deep breath and begins:
"You promised to mow the lawn this weekend and you didn't...The vacuum cleaner's broken...You never take me out to dinner, and anyway I haven't got anything decent to wear...I'm the only one in this house that ever does any washing-up...."
We explored some more new territory this week, thanks to Leave Pass and The Invisible Woman. Was this the first time that the quiet streets of Upper Kedron had resounded to cries of "On, on"? We did come across some faded arrows pointing backwards on the run - whose were they?
We had a great turnup - including some visitors - and history needs to record that the food did not run out. (Originally posted 24/2/08)
From March 2008
Another Mt Nebo run
Goin' up the mountainA hillbilly comes across another hillbilly halfway up a mountain in Arkansas.
"Goin' up the mountain, Jed?"
"Nope."
"Goin' down the mountain, Jed?"
"Nope."
"You jest goin' to stand here all day, Jed?"
"I guess."
"Why, Jed?"
"I got my foot stuck in a bear trap."
We'll be going halfway up the mountain to Jolly's Lookout this coming Sunday - courtesy of the Shggrs. If the wounds they sustained while doing the recce are anything to go by, you should bring some bandages and splints. (Originally posted 10/3/08)
From April 2008...
Animal tails
Release the hounds!Darcy began it. Too eager to wait, he headed off on his quest to "find the flour" - long before the run began. Eventually we caught up.
Then Leave Pass gave his hound a leave pass to roam the Bunya hills like a slavering beast of the Baskervilles. It was a relief to find that all the children and other dogs had made it home....
But what about the sheep? Eweshggr displayed signs of understandable excitement when we came across a mark reading "WOOL" and an arrow. However there were no sheep in sight...perhaps "700m" was the true meaning of this piece of cryptic trailsetting?
Talking of animals, here's an oldie those of us with Alzheimer's may have forgotten ("We may have Alzheimer's, but at least we don't have Alzheimer's"):
A woman takes her budgie to the vet. It's lying on its back, with its legs in the air.
"I'm sorry," he says, "your bird is dead."
"Are you sure?" she cries. "I think he's breathing!"
"Would you like a second opinion?"
"Yes!"
The vet opens the door and a Siamese cat walks in. It sniffs at the budgie, shakes its head, and walks out.
"I'm not going to take a cat's opinion!" she says.
"OK," says the vet. He goes to the door again and whistles for a large Labrador dog who's been playing in the yard. The dog also sniffs the budgie and shakes its head.
"All right," says the woman. "I believe you. How much do I owe you?"
"That'll be $600."
"$600? Just to tell me my budgie is dead?"
"Well, if you'd taken my word for it, it would have been $50 - but what with the cat scan and the lab report...."
In true Samford style, we enjoyed some scary gradients on the run and a truly gourmet nosh-up to follow - plus some excellent homebrew from the Master. Thanks, hares. (Originally posted 14/4/08)
Run 888
Good luck, good friends, good feelings...at least Cash Converta had a good feel as she proved that she's learnt to identify certain things in the dark during 25 years of marriage.
Slack had travelled all the way from Paris for this week's Lucky Run. He brought us some French Letters (of introduction) from the Hash de Paris, and an invitation to saunter along the boulevards with them the next time we're in town. It was great to welcome him and a swag of other visitors as well. No doubt the Luck we've all garnered by participating in Run 888 will start to kick in sometime soon. I've spent my anticipated Lotto winnings already. (Originally posted 21/4/08)
From May 2008...
Ah, blondes...
A fishy finish...to this week's run/walk, because John Scott Park is still looking like ground zero. Fish and trimmings made a nice change. It was also nice to see that so many were able to make it in the middle of a long weekend.
Some blonde jokes at the on, on (and the sizable contingent of children on this week's walk) reminded me of the following little story:
A blonde woman is having financial troubles so decides to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She goes to John Scott Park, grabs a little boy, takes him behind a tree and writes a note: "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a brown paper bag behind the big pine tree near the Arts and Crafts shop - by 10am tomorrow. (Signed) ‘The Blonde’”
She pins the note to the little boy's shirt and tells him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returns to the park to find $10,000 in a brown paper bag behind the big pine tree. Inside the bag with the cash is a note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another…." (Originally posted 4/5/08)
Mother's Day 2008
Going up, going down...It was Mothers' Day this last Sunday and Charcoal marked the occasion with a mother of a run. There were some near-vertical ascents that put me in mind of those
...cliffs of fall
Frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed"*
that G.M. Hopkins (that old hasher) wrote about. It reminded Payback of the fact that it's time for us to wend our way to the top of Beerwah or Tibrogargan again. Here's a shot from the last intrepid climb:
Two blazing brassieres (I mean braziers) were very welcome at the on,on. Winter's upon us.
*From "No worst, there is none. Pitched past pitch of grief" (c. 1885) (Originally posted 13/5/08)
Brass monkeys
Unfortunately no-one broughta brass monkey to this Sunday's hash meet. It would have been interesting to see what happened to his appendages. You can buy an instrument for measuring these sorts of weather conditions
here.
There were some suggestions that Payback's hash name should be changed (to Flipper, or something similar) after he took charge of the coin that set the course for the run - but he rejected the suggestion.
Potluck again provided a varied and sumptuous feast.
The cold conditions reminded me of the following...
The ship has struck an iceberg and is sinking. There are no lifeboats left and the remaining passengers are gathered in the saloon singing "Abide with me". A young woman suddenly becomes hysterical.
"Before I die," she cries out, "I want a man - a real man who can make me feel like a real woman!"
A handsome young sailor responds. He strides towards her, stripping off his shirt to reveal a bronzed muscular torso (a bit like a brass monkey's, I suppose.)
"You want to feel like a real woman?" he says. "OK! Wash my shirt! Fetch me a beer! Where's my dinner, you lazy cow?"
A reminder: our 900th run is coming up in July. (Originally posted 19/5/08)
From June 2008...
A wet one
I can jump puddlesWe'd had a wettish week, which meant that Digit was able to exercise his ingenuity in setting a enjoyably splashy walk and run. None of the walkers fell in the creek, although - thanks to Darcy - one did measure his length on the bitumen. The runners took their route in reverse, confirming the rumour that they're a backward bunch....
Flashy laid on a triffic meal, despite having a sick child to care for. She deserves a medal.
Upcoming events to note include our 900th run (13th July) and our Christmas in July weekend (25 - 27th July). Activities at the latter will include: BBQ and Get Off Your Face Wine Tasting on Friday evening; Christmas dinner on Saturday evening; horse riding, ropes course etc. for those so inclined; a possible visit to Glengallan Homestead; and of course lots of walking and running in the Main Range National Park and environs.
Another Irishman and some more firemen feature in this one...
An Irishman, an Indian, a Chinaman and an Australian are playing golf. They are being held up by the group in front of them. It seems to be taking for ever to play each hole. They complain to the greenkeeper. He says:
"That's a group of ex-firemen. They were all blinded putting out a fire in our clubhouse. They saved many lives, as well as the building. So now we let them play for free whenever they like, and to take as long as they like."
The Irishman says, "Ah, the poor fellows! I will pray to God that a cure might be found."
The Indian says, "I will ask my friend the ophthalmologist if there is a cure."
The Chinaman says, "I will donate $50 000 to the Fund for Injured Firemen."
The Australian says, "Why don't you make the bastards play at night?"
(Originally posted 8/6/08)
A silver wedding
Sterling silverThey met at a party to celebrate the Queen’s Silver Jubilee (she was expected but didn’t turn up.)
They then thought it was a good idea to get married, and 25 years later they haven’t yet had a different idea.
According to the ABS, people nowadays can expect to spend an average of 27 years married (men) and 28 years married (women). So if Skidmark is an average sort of bloke, he has 2 years of marriage left, while Sherpa has 3. The question is – who will she spend that extra year married to?
The pair of them put on an excellent run, and then not only fed us, but clothed us as well! There’s a story somewhere in the New Testament about people like them – all they need to do now is to visit us in jail. We’ll wear our commemorative 25th Anniversary Hash Shirts with pride – what a generous gift! And a nice design too. Many thanks, guys.
There’s another commemoration coming up – our 900th run, in two weeks time. Visitors, as always, are welcome.
And next week’s run will not only celebrate Streaker’s birthday, but also the 4th of July. So wear red, white and blue – the colours of Old Glory…whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming….Sorry, I’m getting all teary, now. To hear a stirring version, click
here. (Originally posted 29/6/08)
